who needs sleep? part deux

as i went to write this post i had deja-vu episode that i had once sat down to write this before...and a quick search at the top of my blog revealed i had {hence the "part deux"}.

i hope i made this clear in that other post about sleeping babies and reflux and all that jazz....but just in case i didnt i want you all to know:
"the only consistent thing about babies is their inconsistency"
{which was also mentioned back in the day}

i can think im in charge and doing all this stuff to "help my baby learn to sleep on her own" and all that garbage but the truth of the matter is im not so sure i have anything to do with anything.  or that i know anything about anything having to do with babies. {yes, i still feel that way at times}

i might be a little more calm, a little more understanding, a wee tiny bit more patient, but i am definitely still the same flawed, emotional, exhausted wreck i was with the first one.  if not more

i think by this age bennett had gone through a few "growth spurts" {as i chose to call them for my own sake, to explain away his crazy frantic eating/no sleeping}.  they each lasted maybe a couple days.  emory hasnt gone through any of these, UNTIL NOW.

with one of her many suitors, baylor

and in perfect GIRL fashion, we are going on a week and a half of no consistent sleep and much more fussing {not up to pre-dairy-strike levels, but close}.  not sleeping longer than 4-5 hours at night {vs 10-12 hours a couple weeks ago}, fiercely fighting naps, waking up every 20 minutes during those naps, etc.
*sigh*



its during times like these i realize my own futility and its quite humbling.  i think as a mother we definitely take pride in knowing that we are the ones who can calm, appease, and "correctly parent" our children.

"here just give her to me ill do it"
that kind of talk

generally, were right.  i mean babies do know their mommas above all else and we are the quickest way to peace.  but what happens when we arent?  i dont know about you but i have a lot of growing to do in that department.  im embarrased to find myself getting so upset and frustrated that this tiny little thing wont take the paci she desperately needs to calm down and fall asleep.  and that my three year old, who has been potty trained since last april, STILL wets his pants {regularly this past week...} and no amount of bribing or punishing or enticing or stickers on a special calendar will stop it.

i rarely leave the house with both children in my feeble attempt to preserve the public from what is turning into a repetitive disciplinary monologue..."bennett, did you hear me?" "bennett, come HERE" "we do not talk that way to grown ups" "we do not argue with mommy" "bennett would you like it if someone dropped a cereal box on YOUR head?" "no you wouldnt" "no you may not climb in there [grocery store freezer]." "did you hear me?"
{not to mention that once you put an infant carseat and a three year old in a buggy there doesnt seem to be much room for anything else}

and when i finally DO make it out of the house, at least 20 minutes late to wherever we were supposed to be going, i feel like im equally close to crying my eyes out or snapping my childs head off {with my words of course...}.  i find myself having to dig deep to muster some self control or all those poor people in small cars are just going to get run over.  im a hormonal mother of two in a gas guzzling SUV about to
TAKE.YOU.OUT.

as my dad once asked my tearful mother when my sister and i were quite young:
"youre letting a three year old get the best of you?"


yes, i guess i am.

with "boyhood besties" jack and walker, picture taken by my girlhood bestie erin s.

and now, sitting here writing about all of it, it seems pretty funny.
who sounds like the unruly three year old now?
:)
i can almost hear my Heavenly Father laughing out loud.

natalie, did you hear me?
natalie, come here
did you hear me?



i realized today that i am in terrible need of a time out
i need to put my face in that corner and think about what i did
or what i didnt do

and remember the only way i am ever going to be correctly equipped to manage this crazy chaotic life is if i draw my strength from the only permanently strong thing i have access to: my faith.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 
Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 
For my yoke is easy and my burden is light 

~Matthew 11:28-30



i have to be honest and say i was going to end the post here, but before i clicked "post" i dilly-dallied and caught up on some blog reading.  in doing so i ran across a friends recent post expressing similar sentiments {lauren h - private blog}.  her words struck me as they are exactly what i was feeling, just much more eloquently put, and i quote:

"And then it hit me. I'm not that different than any other mother out there. What was so much more difficult for me than any other mom?.... And this is the role of a mother. To take care of their sweet little hands and feet. To teach them how to share and eventually be "people" in this world. It's my job. I love them. Adore them. And I, apparently, needed an attitude adjustment. Breathe in, Breath out. Sure, have a tantrum of my own every now and then... and then start over tomorrow. It's time to start enjoying these little creations for the good AND the hard."


thank you to all you fabulous people/friends/blog friends out there who arent afraid to write about the good stuff AND the hard stuff


you encourage and inspire me