diary of a happy {pregnant} white woman: chapter five

for some reason, this pregnancy is giving me more...concern{?}...than my first one.
i cant really come up with a good reason for this.
with bennett i never felt bad, was just tired every day after {or during} work.
with this one, i feel bad generally all the time; which should make me realize more than with bennett that i AM pregnant and THAT is why i feel bad. im faint and as ive mentioned before...worthless.
worthless is NOT a good thing to be when your "job" in life is to mother and wife your son and husband and housewife your house.
and do things like COOK.
um - no ma'am.

well im on day four of feeling "better" and its worrying me a little bit.
why do i feel good all of a sudden?
i want to feel bad again! {i know. im a weirdo}

honestly though, the only reason i can come up with to explain away my "fears" is that this time i know what im getting into.
the first pregnancy was all about "wow so THIS is what it feels like to be pregnant...THIS is what ive been waiting for all my life...im going to have a BABY".  little did that naive girl know that is NOT usually what it feels like to be pregnant. :)
but now, with this pregnancy, i know what all this means.
i know what we get if it all goes well.

we get this

and this

and this

and this

Photo and video editing at www.OneTrueMedia.com

and this

and this

and even this

this last picture obviously added at a later time, as it was taken on Palm Sunday 2010

thats just so much pressure!!
how do i get to have another one???
i feel so blessed and lucky to have what i already do have in bennett - how come i get to do it again?

and again...i am FULLY aware people have multiple children every single day/minute/second in this world and what is happening to me is, comparably, not amazing.
BUT I THINK PREGNANCY AND CHILDREN ARE AMAZING.
so you really cant argue that point with me.
i wont change my mind.
every pregnancy {or at least what is going on during it} is MIRACULOUS and PRECIOUS and LIFE.
maybe my feeble brain just has a hard time grasping "having a baby" but even after having one i still look at him and get all confused and sweaty and amazed at the fact that he even exists.
its baffling and beautiful and just a plain ordinary miracle.

and we can all use a few miracles in our life...
ill take however many He decides to give me.