diary of a happy {pregnant} white woman: chapter three

dear baby blob:

hi there little one. it was very nice to see you for the first time today...all blob-ish and facing the wrong way. you have been quite a little mystery to us so far...not only are you camera shy {unlike your big brother who always threw us nice profile shots followed by the eventual hand waving, sticking out of the tongue, and perfectly timed spread eagles when gender determination depended on it}, but you are a horse of a completely different color when it comes to what you are doing to your mommy. i cant say im complaining though, bc its still quite a NICE queasy feeling that lets me remember just how hard youre working in there to grow and do things like, you know, develop neural tubes and eye sockets and absorb the remainder of your tail.
yea, i can imagine thats hard work.
a lot of people ask me if i think you are a girl bc of the way you already have my entire being wrapped around your tiny finger bud: i was "pregnant exhausted" with bennett, but with you...i am just down right EXTERMINATED. i wonder frequently where natalie went and who is this inhabiting my frame? i am always tired, emotional, existing in a constant state of feeling like i could faint or purge at any given moment with the occasional break to just general yuckiness.  im already breaking out on my forehead {again, your big brother waited ever so kindly until the end of the second trimester to suprise me with that lovely skin condition}, and im basically on the verge of worthless.
if you havent realized it already, you have your mommy taking NAPS. thats right...almost every single day. its absurd.
but i dont really have a feeling yet one way or the other concerning gender. i think a girl would be fun, pink, and different {different in a roes-dont-have-girls kind of way, but pretty darn familiar in a i-grew-up-with-two-sisters-and-a-really-awesome-mom kind of way}
but a boy would be amazing, easy, and exciting {exciting in a we-already-have-everything-we-need-for-a-boy kind of way and bennett-would-love-a-little-brother-to-play-with-and-i-am-quickly-realizing-i-am-a-boy-kind-of-mom kind of exciting}.
all the playing aside, i just want you to know that you are already worth it all to me. i didnt even have to see you today to know that. i love you and i love what you are doing to me. it means God is hard at work with you and nothing gives me more comfort than that. maybe its a good thing i dont feel like myself. maybe He is changing me just as He is changing you. i do believe that could be possible. i do hope it is.
it wasnt very hard at all to fall back into the "baby" mode. i keep wanting to buy things but realize you are already pretty much taken care of with everything we already have. you already fit right in. i cant wait to see you again.
next time, though, at least try to cooperate. i mean, if you arent too busy growing internal organs or anything.

love love love
momma