75

when i was younger i suffered from insomnia.  around the age of ten i would get all crazy in my head when it was bed time with thoughts such as : you are the only one awake right now.  everyone else is asleep.  you will never fall asleep.

this kind of thinking can reek havoc on a ten year old.  my poor sister erin {who could sleep through an earthquake} was the most affected by this condition, as i would always go wake her up and see if she would come sleep with me.  i usually just felt better when she was awake, too... however she did not feel better when she was awake too.

i eventually grew out of it during my young teenage years, about the time when my youngest sister came down with the same crazy insomnia.  i always let her sleep with me when she asked.

since then, the only kind of insomnia i suffer from is the kind caused by busy-mind-syndrome.  as in the second i close my eyes i start "listing" in my head...remembering all the things i forgot to do that day, and trying to remind myself of all the things i have to get done tomorrow.

if you cant tell, i am a project person.  and i usually have about ten unfinished projects going on at any given time.  i am the type, however, that finishes projects.  {usually}  i just always put a lot on my plate.  im also a procrastinator.  this is why you might have heard me talk blog about christmas shopping back in may and june.  i always start early with good intentions, but am burning at both ends in the days leading up to christmas.

anyway, last night was one of those nights.  after an hour and a half of failed attempts at catching those elusive "zzzz's", i decided to make a list.  im not usually a list person, either {much to my mother and sister's chagrin}. im a big think-about-it-er.  and pray-that-i-make-better-use-of-my-time-er.  and yes it can be chaotic.  but its my own organized chaos and i understand it.

but i needed an intervention.  badly.  and this is what resulted at 1am last night:

 
seventy five things i need to do before christmas/bennett's birthday.


it was an experience not unlike blogging.

sometimes the blog is stress-inducing.  feeling like i need to update for those dear family and friends who really are invested in what is going on with "theroefam".  however other times {most times} it is exactly the opposite.  which is why i keep doing it.  i may not make lists, but writing is my real outlet for communicating.  and i am a big communicator.  one of my absolute favorite classes in high school and college was english - when it included essays.  i could own an essay i tell you.  and then flap around like a wet fish on hot sand when it came to multiple choice.  i could make any answer work in my mind.  unfortunately my teachers didnt always agree with me and my "but what if..." reasoning on why "D" was also a "right" answer.

i made that list last night, and kept having to get up and walk to my office to get another piece of paper.  i didnt stop.  75 things to do before christmas.  before i could sleep.  things like

• organize fabric

 

• clean out bennetts toys aka broken things and old infant rattles and destroyed "pat the bunny" books and the like.

 

• research drapes for a client.
• email a floorplan to my sister
• empty all trash in house
• return items to half a dozen stores around town
• finish christmas presents and birthday presents and aprons
• stain the pile of lumber in our carport {stephen and his family promise me those boards create what has come to be known as "the most amazing beds in the entire world" aka the CARGO FURNITURE for bennett's big boy room}
• and on
• and on
• ad nauseum

then i went to sleep.  and it was deep sleep.

today i met my friend the highlighter.
and i am learning to own that list.

my day was incomprehensively productive.
why didnt i do this earlier?

i will sleep tonight.

because i really want to highlight number 70 off that blasted list