back to reality

first, thank you for all the kind words on the previous post.  it really is fun when your “work” is something you love to do anyway.  some of you asked for different sources and more pictures and im happy to share…will update soon. 

but, in the other 99.5% of my time when im not ‘living the dream’, i am living my first dream…of full-on, both-feet-in, head-first mothering.  i could say we are slowly adjusting to new life with three babies, but really…its such a shock to your system how can one really ever adjust?! {i kid}.

seriously though its wonderful.  i mean there are times i threaten momicide and the kitchen and I don’t have any sort of relationship past the microwave and I might only do laundry, you know, every two weeks or so….but im really truly happy :)  and i think stephen and the kids are, and that is most important anyway.   

well, that and showers.  showers are still very very important and i cling to them with my life these days.

ok, moving on to the reality part.  blogs are wonderful outlets for all things inspirational and pretty and ideal.  of course we all know that peoples real lives are not all these things, all the time, but blogs can sure make it look that way. 

but honestly, i don’t check my google reader to see what the new tragedy or complaint or miserable happening is going on in the blogosphere.  i go there to escape into a beautiful idealistic world of pretty things and entertainment.  when im feeling ticked off or overwhelmed or had a really bad day, the blog isn’t the first place i run to report it.  my hard working husbands ear the second he walks in the door is usually on the receiving end, or i ball it all up and let the shower wash away my tears {cue tiny violin}.

HOWEVER, i do find humor in even my worst days {looking back of course} and feel the need to re-live my misery on the blog…my version of self deprecating “fun.”  So now i present chapter 534 in my life’s story, the art of frazzle.

so i take all three kids to the doctor.  at the same time.  by myself.  something done every day by mothers everywhere.  still possibly not the most intelligent move, but necessary all the same.  bennetts four year, emorys fifteen month, jacobs one month.  jacob eats around ten thirty, so appointment is at 9am…that should give us plenty of time, right?

the waiting room is fine, dora on tv, im back and forth filling out new patient paperwork for emory and bennett.  at one point while im at the front desk emory spies a blonde lady pushing a stroller out the door and proceeds to run over there and scream bloody somebody-took-my-momma murder at the closed exit door.  poor thing thought i left her {shes not clingy or anything…ha}.  i had to talk her off the ledge but she ended up settling down when she realized it was indeed her momma holding her.

 

we proceed to the back, where emory and bennett are weighed and height...-ed.  then it comes time for me to remove my attention from said middle daughter and place it on newborn son who also needs to be weighed.  insert melt down number one. sweet nurse tries to help and hold emory but it just isn’t happening and she nearly dies from terror {one would think}. a line of calm children and mothers are waiting behind us for their turn so i carry emory and empty carrier to the exam room while bennett and nurse holding jacob follow.  we don’t have to wait too long but in the wait i decide i will start feeding jacob to buy some time.  emory looks at the front page of one book and is bored.  she starts tearing pages out of the book.  i stop her but bennett’s incessant “no MAYUM” 's are getting to me. 

i find two sugar free suckers and pop on in each childs mouth.  i have bought myself two minutes of silence-ish. {or should i say quieter mayhem}.

 

dr {who is also a friend of mine} comes in and we decide bennett is first.  he does great.  while he is being seen emory is fussing bc I am not holding her {im still feeding Jacob} and she is bored.  i stop feeding jacob, place him in his carrier, and give emory a cereal bar.  she inhales it and jacob cries and she frantically signs “more”.  i pick jacob back up and give emory bennetts cereal bar, informing bennett of this change in plans but assuring him he will get wonderful treat after the dr appointment if he behaves. {and it is only 9:45 mind you, they JUST had breakfast AND he had a banana before we left the house}. 

his turn is over and he comes to sit next to me while doctor takes jacob.  bennett starts screaming at me that he is STARVING while im trying to talk to dr about the kids.  i tell him not to interrupt as sweetly and as sternly as i can, and as he gets more adamant, i do as well.  the whole time emory is fussing at me and pulling on my legs, signing “more” for more food. {which i don’t have}. bennett gets even more frustrated that im not talking to HIM and proceeds to … “BURP” emory on the back.
extremely hard.  

and now we enter melt down {of the century} number two.  {thanks bennett}.  from this point on its just some scene out of a gratuitous horror film. bloodshed and terror fill the tiny room.  bennett is sent to time out in the corner of the room. he smarts off and i tell him i am not afraid to spank him in front of sweet doctor lady.  he faces the corner, mumbling something about how extremely famished he is and how he is about to die from starvation. 

 

now its emorys turn to be seen.  YEA RIGHT.  she screeches and screams and flails and wont let anyone touch her, including me.  i have a frightened jacob in one arm while trying to soothe emory while doctor attempts to look at her ears/eyes/etc.  emory leaps off the table into my arms and i almost drop her, as i wasn’t expecting this, and dr friend and i decide, over the shrieks and screams from my two youngest children, that today might not be a good day for this and i should come back. 

dr friend gives me sympathetic eye and says “you sure do have your hands full.  I don’t know how you do it.” to which i respond : “i don’t know what part of this looks like im successfully doing it, but this is where i am right now, so this is what im doing!”

i tell bennett he can come out of exam room time out and he immediately tells me he is STARVING.  i say sorry bud no treat for you today but he is welcome to have something to eat when we get home. “BUT MOMMA…” . i cut him off and dr helps me manage crying jacob while i try to tend to emory while we wait for jacobs shots.  emory and bennett are supposed to have shots too but our old pediatricians office hasn’t sent over their forms yet so im going to have to reschedule their shots.  i don’t know if im happy i don’t have to deal with that today or annoyed that we have to come back.

jacob is freaking out from emory freaking out so when the dr leaves i try to feed jacob again to settle him down.  emory is sitting on the floor throwing whatever she can get her hands on and by this point i don’t care that she is on the dirty germ infested floor of a drs office.  bennett is opening every cabinet and snatching everything he can away from emory, all the while saying “no MAYUM” at everything she does.  i get him to sit in the chair next to me again and emory sits on one of my knees while i hold jacob in my other arm, all the while nursing him. {which isn’t going wonderfully with this baby, but that is a story for another day, and not one for the blog…but believe me ill discuss it with anyone who moves and mentions it to me in person bc after successfully breastfeeding two children over six months each i cant for the life of me figure this one out.  it’s a bit consuming – says any mother who breastfeeds her newborns.}

ANYWAY nurse comes back to give jacob his shots so i leave emory in the chair {ripping apart more waiting room magazines and pulling every wipe out of our wipe container}. bennett is trying his best to be her father and discipline her.  jacob takes his shot like the precious little calm child he is and i smile and dream of a world where he and i alone came to the dr and the other kids stayed at home.

 

the nurse looks at me like she wants to take away the pain but really she is thinking “wow im glad that is not my life” and i smile at her like im appreciative of her sweet look but really im thinking “there is nothing left here for me to be embarrassed about.  i am that lady.  that lady with the kids screaming in the room next to you.  the one you silently judge and think 'why can she not manage her children.  i would NEVER allow my children to act that way.'” {i say this bc i too once judged}

i scoop up my three manic children, skip the appointment desk, and head home. 

i vow never to return in this manner ever again.

maybe we will just never leave the house.

one or the other.

on the car ride home bennett and emory are laughing at each other, making “pttt” noises.  jacob is awake but drowsy and happily sucking {the life out of} his paci.

the events of the two hours previous are but distant memories in their fleeting child minds.

i on the other hand remember every. tiny. second.

its hard to forget.

but the laughs and giggles coming from the seats behind me are enough for me to at least sigh and redirect
my energy {for the time being} :   
loving these rascals who employ me.

their laughs and red wine give me just enough fuel to trudge on through the next hurdle, because heaven knows this is just the beginning.